Impending Doom, my name is Xairathan.

It’s happening again. That strange nagging in my limbs that signals apprehension. It’s never been right before, of course, and again I think I should listen to it, but I never will, but either way, I’m just nervous. This time it feels more genuine than all my other false alarms and stuff. I’m getting impulses. Impulses to tell Alen everything, impulses that don’t make sense to my normal self, impulses that both delight and frighten and make me nervous.

I’m starting to get my own desires confused. With anything. With everything. I really do miss not just Alen, but someone I can talk to and hold on to and just trust, at these moments. I don’t mind the life I’ve lived. I’m not afraid of death, should I come across him, but I’m afraid of what might happen to those who I care about after I’m gone. My internship ends in 14 hours, or two days of 8 and 6 hours. Then the weekend. Then relaxation. Then Alen’s done, too. Maybe I’ll grow a pair and ask him out to a movie (see what I did there?) Maybe I’ll stay at home and… yeah. Daydream. Fantasize. Fail to live the way I want to live.

There’s an impulse, you see? I’m ready. I’m more than ready. I think it’s time I break out of whatever craphole I’ve been lying in for the past few years and climb up to see the surface. I’m ready to get out and take on the world. Come at me, world. I’m fricking ready for you.

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~ by Tayath on August 2, 2012.

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