EmptiNostalgiAnxiousness

I was reading “Argent”‘s old WordPress, or at least what I recovered of it, and seeing what he felt and thought and how it parallels so dangerously closely with my own emotions, scares me. I don’t want to fail where he did, with him and Tayath, and me and Alen. I don’t want to fall into a dark sinking pit of hopelessness, but next year kind of makes the anxiousness mandatory what with college applications and all. And to top it off, I’ve got an ACL to strengthen and, well… a guy to chase, you see.

I’m also slightly concerned for me and D. I’m going to sit back and simply be a presence, and if she wants me back she will have to make the first move, but I honestly don’t know what to do with her. Maybe just exist as I had before her, with Alen. But then again, everything was different back then.

I once said that if I could have a superpower, I’d pick Shadow. But now, I want Voyeurism. The ability to walk back in time and experience things, but be unable to change them. Call it another change in me, as I am changing and will continue to change at a rapid pace this next year. I think I’m finally ready for it, with my hard outer shell and my rather soft self, and no matter what happens I guess- no, I’m ready- to take it on face-first, head held high, and whatever happens I’ll let it happen. And if nothing comes of me and Alen, well, I’ll just tell him on our last day together, and then we will have our bittersweet parting.

The idea seems as vulgar as it is appealing to me. All hail my… insensitiveness. :/

Xair

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~ by Tayath on July 26, 2012.

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