There’s a spot in my leg where if I poke it, I don’t feel anything. That’s how I wish I could be. Unfeeling. Emotionless. I haven’t been able to speak with Alen for three weeks now; he was gone for a week, and now he hasn’t been online for 2. i can’t tell him I hit 20k damage as a recon, can’t tell him that Justin Leong smuggled physics papers into our ROTC awards night to study. I’ve been trying to tear myself away from his path, and I’m failing rather misesrably.

Even if it doesn’t feel like it, I’m still isolated. Never alone; there will always be another human near me. But isolation…that’s me. Music isn’t much of an anesthetic any longer. I’m growing tired, apathetic even. Hey Alen, CE is 8.1k cr per 100 now. Make of that what you will.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I’m tired. Despite all the good things happening, I can’t get used to me being… no, that’s not right. I just can’t balance the negative and the positive, and I’m sick of it. If it weren’t for my promise to Alen I’m sure I’d have done something stupid by now, but he isn’t here to talk to me now… is he.

EDIT: Alen, if you ever read this, I missed you these three weeks. But I don’t know how to say it without being awkward. Just saying.


~ by Tayath on June 3, 2012.

One Response to “Self-Destruct”

  1. Awww 😦

    Can Alen read these 😮

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