Never Gone

I tried to split ties with a certain friend over the past two weeks. It’s worked- we’re more like acquaintances now than the best friends we once were- but the difference really strikes at me. Their answers are shorter now, more brusque and abrupt, and it makes me wonder if  this friendship was even worth having, even worth saving, and I wonder if I should just try to eliminate her from my past and my future.

It makes me sad to know that I’m losing a friend that I was once able to count on for everything, but in retrospect I have to look back and analyze that ‘everything’. When we used to play together, they were as much my encourager as my hinderer- when I had a good day I was praised and when I simply couldn’t compete, insults flew like knives. It was okay back then, but recently things have gotten more difficult, so I guess that’s what led me to break away.

I can understand what’s going on: they’ve got their older sibling’s shadow over them, and their parents expect them to fill, maybe even extend, that shadow. Meanwhile, their two younger siblings don’t have that same pressure over them. Call the oldest sibling Alpha, call my friend Beta, and it’s almost as if their parents want Beta to be a second Alpha. Even so, it’s hard to reconcile this leaving, when I know so much about them- and yet they don’t know anything about me.

I’m just ranting: this is making no sense, and going nowhere. But I guess in this final paragraph I’d like to express my remorse. I’m sorry that I’m doing this, but right now I feel as if this friendship is hurting me more than it’s giving me company. We’ve both changed over the last six months, both for the better and the worse at the same time. Maybe if I’d seen this coming we wouldn’t have to go through this, but for now, it’s been nice knowing you.

P.s. Got dared to ask the guy I like to Sadies in two or three months. HELP!



~ by Tayath on January 27, 2012.

One Response to “Never Gone”

  1. Go go go go ASK ASK ASK

    And awwww xairbear ❤

    love you 🙂

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